She leant excitedly up against the showroom window and gazed in, lost in rapture. The display collection of shiny tapware was breathtaking, jutting chrome spouts in a myriad of sexy designs. Tapware, erect and bent, gleaming in expensive ways, and calling out to her desires for the perfect bathroom. Tapware emerging from every surface, some like UFO’s or alien beings, their angles definitely not human in design or scale. Tapware on show everywhere and she breathed a sigh of overwhelmed contentment. Some tapware was not shiny silver but black and sexy, she wondered whether her dream bathroom would warrant some black tapware.


Currently her bathroom was old and cracked, with a vanity from the nineteen seventies, exhibiting shades of green. Her existing bathroom’s tapware was so boring, and so dated, that it hardly deserved to be called tapware. Tapware in her mind was bling for bathrooms; the silver chains and rings worn by rapsters and Hollywood stars. Tapware was tied up with status in her mind, and only when her bathroom made a statement, would she feel like she belonged. Bathroom renovation was rarely far from her thoughts, and that was why she had found herself in front of this bathroom warehouse showroom.

She had heard that bathrooms had replaced kitchens as the must have domestic designer make over rooms in twenty first century homes. She had read that some Hollywood stars had up to six designer bathrooms in their mansion homes. She desperately wanted a new bathroom in her home, and she wondered which tapware would go best with which vanity. When her women friends visited hotels, clubs, restaurants, and other homes, they always commented on the bathrooms; how amazing this one was or this one. She wanted to earn their admiration, to have her bathroom spoken of in hushed and reverent tones.

It had all started with brief visits to five star hotels, romantic stop overs, and dirty weekends away. She would marvel at the hotel suite’s bathroom and day dream about a life of sinful luxury; servants, sex, fine foods, rooms with a view, and gleaming tapware everywhere.

©Robert Hamilton